The Problem is You By Pastor Lawrence

Matthew 19:12 “For there are some eunuchs (singles), which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there be eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

This is the the third major reasons why singles are still single. In this verse Jesus said that there is three reasons why singles are still single. This is about the last one Jesus mentioned when he says, “have made themselves eunuchs.” This one hits home personally. I know I have problems in my own life and I pray everyday for the Lord to work on me personally to be the man of God he wants me to be.
It says in Genesis 3:12, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me.” I always hate reading this verse. He ate the forbidden fruit. And here is Adam not taking responsibility for his own action and blaming his wife. Like Adam we can blame others for our problem of being single or take responsibility for where we are in life. We all have things that we need to work on. And it is the wise person who sees that he has a problem and that they are single because that problem is keeping them finding the right person and getting married. You define who you are. You can either decide to grow or ignore your problem that God has allowed in your life to help you grow as a person.
The major personal problems that keep singles from finding the right person is…..
1. Over weight. Some people are forty pounds from a date. It is sad to see a good girl who is spiritual and has a good head on her shoulders, but the guys are not asking her out because she is over weight. Remember you attract what you are and if you are over weight you will only attract someone that is over weight people. Do you need to loose some weight?

2. Distants. Sometimes it is hard to find someone when you are not with people. Are you a home body? The right person probably will not come knocking on your door. You need to donate you time to charity or to your local church. By getting out and meeting people it increases the chance of meeting the right person. And don’t travel in packs. It may be more fun to be with your friends, but it is much harder on a guy if he has to ask you out in front of you and your five other friends. If you are in your early 20’s I would recommend that you go off to a Christian college to meet someone. Or if you are on a dating website I recommend you trying to date someone who maybe is farther than your fifty mile radius.

3. Your Faith. This is not a bad thing and I recommend that you marry someone that has the same religious values that you do. But we are talking about problems that people have that keep them single. If you require that person to believe exactly like you, then you limit your options.

4. Won’t Ask or Won’t Accept. The major problem with most guys is that they don’t ask enough girls. They fear rejection and loose out on a good girl. With so many ladies they miss out on a good guy because they have there heart on this perfect guy that is at work, church, or where ever. They put blinders on and won’t accept another guys invitation because they think there dream guy is going to ask them and so many times he does not. And they miss out on true love by a good guy that did ask them out. And once a guy is rejected it is rare to have him ask you twice.

5. Looks. I am not saying you should look like some model in fact I think they probably spend to much time on themselves, but how is your hair? Is your clothes clean, pressed, and fashionable? You don’t have to be up on all the modern fashions and spend big money to look nice, but you should be clean, sharp and look like you planned what you wore today. Does your colors match? Ladies are you a tomboy? Men don’t want another man they want a lady that is feminine.

6. Age. The older you get the less likely you will find someone that does not have a problem that is keeping them single. The question you need to ask yourself is can you live with that person flaws. You may find a wonderful person that has loss there spouse and would be a wonderful person to marry. But that is the exception and the older you get the odds start working against you if you have never married.

7. Personality Problems. For men it is usually maturity. It is sad to see some forty year old man act less mature then some teenagers I know. For women it is usually a temper problem that keeps them single. But it could be just being shy. If you are not out going enough to show others who you are, then they will never love you for who you are. Give them a chance to love the real you.

Okay now that we have gone over the usual problems singles have for keeping them single lets talk about how to correct it. There are five things that will help you.
A. What you need to do is accept personal responsibility for being single. Unless you do this you probably will be single the rest of your life.
B. Get a wise counselor to help you in your dating. Your Preacher or a wise older Christian would be good also. Maybe you should talk about these seven problems that I mentioned to your parents or counselor and ask them if you have any of these that I mentioned.
C. Be pleasant. As the old saying goes, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” so also it is true with love. A journey of a live long love begins with a smile. Be nice to everyone, smile, and say good morning! You never know if your future spouse is right around the corner.
D. Join many dating websites. Look at it as a investment in your future. To many singles join one or two and if they don’t find true love in three months they give up on it. Keep joining and meeting new people.
E. The last thing is to maintain a walk with God. Yield yourself to him. By walking with him daily and being yielded to him you will take on more of the personality of the Saviour and will become a more attractive person to others. Just a thought!

Who Are You? Pastor Lawrence

Matthew 19:12  “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”  This is part two in a series of articles discussing the common reasons why singles are single.

     Who are you?  It seems like an easy question.  But you would be amazed how many singles date people who are not like them. When I was in college I learned about myself.   Who I was.  I learned that there is things that push my buttons, how much I am like my parents, how much I really don’t know, and many other things.   And I want you to always remember this principal.  You attract what you are in dating and not what you want.  We all have heard of the story of a good girl marrying a creep of a guy, because she thought she could change him and she just had to get married.    The Bible is so true when it says in Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”  And the truth is that all our friends and our future spouse had to have a connection of agreement or we would not be with them. 

      In dating you need to look for someone with a background as close to yours as you can.  Because the more you have in common the more likely it is that the relationship will workout and marriage will happen.  I am going to give you a list of things you need to look for in a future spouse.  And if the person you are dating is lacking in one of these areas, then that is fine if you can live with that area that they are lacking in.  And only you can determine if you can live with there differences or not.  But in the end you must accept there difference and accept who they are.

1.  Spirituality-  In II Corinthians 6:14 it says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?  and what communion hath light with darkness.”  My heart breaks when I hear of some person that is dating an unsaved person.  And that single thinks that they are going to change that person and get them saved.  But rarely does it.  God never intended dating to be a soul winning activity to get your future spouse.  It can also be hard if they are of different faiths.  Now it could work, but more committed both parties are to their faiths the harder it will be on there  marriage.   The last is someone that is of the same faith, but one of them is worldly and is a believer in name only.  I just want to warn you that you may be satisfied with your spiritual luke warm dating partner for now, but in the future you will want a spouse that lives the same christian level of faith that you believe in and especially when you have children.   

2.  How clean are they?  This may or may not be an issue to you, but it can be one.  It is sad to hear women talk about having another child in the house, because they have to pick up after their husband.  If you are the clean type you should check out how they take care of the things they have.  A good example would be how clean is their car.  If they don’t mind people seeing there dirty car, then they problable keep the unseen things dirty also.  Like a room or a house.  Other examples are if they bath regularly and do they iron there clothes.  If you are clean or not you will be much happier with someone who is like you. 

3.  Race-  This does not have to be a problem, but you need to understand all that you are getting into.  For further information read the article on interracial dating.

4.   How were they raised.  Some things to rember in dating is finicial and educational background.   How we are raised affect so much on how we percieve things.  If you are good with money and they are not, then you will need to keep in the back of your mind that you are going to have to manage the money in the home someday if this relationship works out.  If the person you are dating grew up in a rich home, then they will probable will expect a higher standard of living, then you if you grew up in a poor home.  Or if a girl had a rich dad that spoiled her then you have to understand that she will want the same standard of living when you are married.

      Even though opposites attract, they also repel when they are together.  You need to find someone who is like you and this is only a sample of things you need to look for in dating.  None of these differences in and of themselves will break a relationship, but the more you have in common the better the chance that it is going to work out.

Preconceived Ideas By Pastor Lawrence

Probles with Singles Part I

Matthew 19:12  “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchsof men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”

      In the next couple issue’s I am going to talk to you about the major problems singles have.  There is a reason why singles are single.   Through the years I have talked, read, counseled and studied singles, and I came up with four major reasons why singles are singles.  And in the next couple issue’s I am going to reveal them to you our readers.  My hope is that if you know the why of singles, you can change  But let me start with an illustration.  There once was three people in a house and a flash flood hit the area.  The two girls and one guy could not drive away, so the ran to the roof of the house for safty.  As the waters slowly increased a row boat came by, and all three said no to the person willing to help them.  The first was a guy  and thought God was going to work some miracle and save them all.   And both girls thought that they would not be caught dead in a row boat, and what would there friends say if they saw them.  Others came by and all refused for the same reason.  Mr Spiritual felt God was going to part the water and they would walk on dry ground, and the girls were waiting for just the right boat.  But the water kept rising higher and higher.  Another row boat came by and the guy invited one of the girls to let him save them.  The first girl turned him down, but the second girl was worried about the water.  It has already rising to the bottom of the roof and his boat could bring her to safety.  So she got in the boat and he took good care of her as he brought her to safety.  The others two saw people come and go.   And all promised safety.  One was being carried by a log in the water and shouted “come with me and I will take care of you!”  Both laughed thinking he couldn’t even save himself.  Yet more  boats  came by.  Some were row boats, some were large boats, but every one that came by was found to have some problem by the two them on the roof.  Finally a helicopter came by and the guy waived the helicopter to move on and said “don’t worry God will save me.”  The girl had a different opinion and she thought much of climbing the ladder and flying to safety, and the water had already come up on the roof .  And soon their were going to drown.   But it just was not her type and and she convinced by her friend that God would bring the right boat to save them real soon.  Yet they were not saved and drowned.  As they stood before God they both asked why he did not save them.  To which God answered, “I did” ” I brought the Helicopter, and the boats to save you”  “You chose to die by your refusal to get into the  boats.”

      Sadly many singles end up like those two people in the story.    Singles end up being single because they fall into the trap of preconceived ideas.  And the preconceived ideas come in two different forms.  With men it is looks.  We as men today have been influenced by the media with a preconceived idea that a women should look a certain way or dress in a certain way.  The result is that men become to picky and miss out on the good girl that is not the  beauty queen, but would make a great wife.   And in reality the models don’t even look that way in real life.  It is amazing what make up artist and computer can do to make a women look beautiful.  And when you see them in real life they don’t look any different from any other women.   But in reality there is no perfect person physically or personality wise.  We all have good things and bad things about us all.  And men to often hold women to the unrealistic standard that is set by Hollywood.

       The women have preconceived ideas also, but in a different way.  Women are to easily convinced that a guy is a certain way by what there friends say, by what car he drives, or how much money he makes.  Looks can be also, but it is not the same with a woman as it is with a man.  I deal with single women who have been molested by some man and don’t want to get married, or don’t trust men.  The girl could of gone through  a divorce and see all her friends have horrible marriages, or getting divorced themselves.  These preconceived ideas influence women to reject a man based on her past experience or by what others say.   That could make a good husband.  Let give you a few thoughts on preconceived ideas for both men and women.

1.   Let go of past hurts.   I have seen people hurt only  themselves, because they refused to forgive.  And I have even seen  people who refused to forgive and actually become that which they hate.  God gives a commandment to forgive not to frustrate you, but to help you.  Healing only happens when you are willing to let go and forgive.  God is always in control and when people  refuse to forgive there is often a deep resentment against God.  If it is a former spouse that has committed adultery, being cheated on when you were dating, or in anything you need to forgive.  It is the best for your own sake.

2.  Try to be friends with many singles.   As the old saying goes “a  journey of a thousand miles begin with one step,” so does it in dating.  The journey of a happy marriage and a life long relationship with that special someone begins with the first step of friendship.  It is so frustrating when someone will not give another singles a chance, because there friends would not approve, she makes more money then him, or she is not as beautiful as he thinks he deserves.  I have seen hundreds of people who gave that other person a first date and before they knew it they had fallen in love, and now they are happily married.  Don’t worry if they are marriage material or not.   Just go out with them trying to be  their friend and see if there is something in common and you will be amazed to see the magic of love work!

3.  Look for qualities that have a lasting value.   Men are so often caught up by looks, and in the years to come she will probable change physically.   Pick someone that have qualities that are lasting.  Look for someone that you could point to your future children to has a good example.   Women should also being willing to give a guy a try, even though he may not be the prince charming that you envisioned.   Have a dating counsel and discuss if this person is a good person for you to date.  I highly recommend your Pastor, your Dad, or an older person you highly respect.  The lasting values you should look for are  things like there faith, can they hold down a job, and how they treat animals and children.  This is a whole article itself, but determine that you will make these principal in your life.  And you could be opening a door to your future spouse!   Just a thought.   

Is God in Control? (Breaking Up) By Pastor Lawrence

    It is a rare person that has never experienced this.  At first there seems so much promise, and they are so wonderful.  And people tell you that you look great together.  But after a while for some reason they don’t want to date you anymore.  Many have cried and asked God “why?”   Today I want to give you some thoughts about how to handle a break up.

      The first thing I want you to always remember is that God is in control.  Nothing happens without God allowing it.  Always remember that God loves you.  The Bible says in Revelation 3:7 says, “he (Jesus) that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth.”  God is always in control and he could of closed the door on this relationship.  He could have saved the relationship, but he might have something better for you.  As the old saying goes, “God leaves the best to those that leave the choice up to him.”  Be willing to let go any relationship, understanding that it is God that gives someone and he is totally capable of bring him/her back.  If it is his will.  Trust God.  And holding on to someone to tight is one of the major reason why someone breaks up with another.  Besides showing a girl/guy that you’re desperate for her, there is things you can say after the break up that will kill all chance of having them come back.  Here are some.

-Repeatedly telling him/her that you love them.

-Calling them non-stop to check up on them

-Asking (or begging) him/her to give you another chance.

-Telling him/her that they are “the one”, and that you can’t live without her.

-Letting him/her know that you love her and will always be there for them. 

     Sadly the consequences is that it pushes them father away, and it reassures them that they made the right decision to end this relationship.  They fell in love with a confident and and independent person.  They want to be with the person they met, not the person that you’ve become.  Nothing a person hates more than to be needed.  Being dependant on another is the surest way to kill a relationship.   And that person who needs the other the least will always be in control of the relationship. 

     Many dating books will promise ways to get them back, and even play mind games on them.   But in  Isaiah 55:8 says, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways”, and the way to save a relationship is to let them go and trusting God.   If it is his will he will bring them back and if not he will bring something better.  Just a thought!

Why Start Another Dating Website? Pastor Lawrence

    Those are the words I heard by so many people these last couple months.  And it is true there are hundreds if not thousands of  dating websites.  I personally have prayed for singles the last ten years, and have seen the Lord answer my prayers and have over a thousand singles find someone.  And I personally hurt for singles because I feel there is a need that is not being met with today’s websites.  Let me share you some of my thoughts.  

      The first is the desire to have a singles website that  is from a conservative christian perspective.  I read the articles on the so called christian dating website, and I felt they were tagging on some Christianity with a worldly philosophy.  This  web site goal is to work with conservative christian preachers and get a true Christian perspective. The way we are suppose to act as a single person and in our actions on dates. 

     The second reason is to have a website that will not offer a monthly fee.  God time table is not made up in a six month subscription.  My goal and hearts desire is to build a website that God can use to help you find the person he has for you in your life.  The other dating websites have these monthly fee’s to use you to make money off you.  And even though I am the founder of this website I don’t get any money from this site.  All profit goes back to the church to help the work of God.

    The third reason is to help you find someone.  I have prayed for thousands and have seen many singles find someone.  And every member will be on my personal prayer list.   I want to challenge you to pray for other singles also.   God is not in the “I’ business.  Now our Saviour loves you and am concerned with you finding the right person.  But our Lord loves to hear his children crying out for other singles.  This is true Christianity.  Just a thought!