Still Busy Waiting By Mrs Santos

Ladies!  Let’s talk  about something we all desire:  LOVE!

I remember as a 26-year old single lady the times when my lonely heart ached so badly, I thought I would die.  I recall feeling an emptiness in my heart that I was sure nothing in this world could fill except for the right man.  I think of how I cried and prayed to God, telling Him of my desire and need for someone to love me just because they wanted to and not because they had to (i.e. family).  There were many things in my life that were totally wonderful, but because I didn’t have that “special” man, I felt life was incomplete.

During these years of being single, I had many people come along with all kinds of well-meant questions and advice.  Family members and friends would ask me questions like ”When are you going to get married?”  Or “Do you have a boyfriend YET?”  or “What’s wrong with you—don’t you want a boyfriend?”  “Don’t you like boys?”
Often, following these mostly well-meant, but hurtful questions, was unsought advice like “Just ask a guy out yourself!” and “Flirt with them!” “Make yourself more available.”  “Fix yourself up more.”  “Talk more/less.”  “Be more friendly.”  “Act shy.”  “Don’t be too picky!”

Well, after walking the path of singleness for awhile, God led me to the right man.  Please allow me to offer some humble advice to those of you who are walking on the single path.  Whether you are just entering your 20’s or you are trying hard to hold on to your 20’s, I believe this can be helpful to all.

1. Be Still.  Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”  God wants us to get to know Him.  Try having time where you are totally still—no noise/music/sounds of any kind—just quiet.  We can really hear and get to know God much better in these still/silent moments.  He spoke to Elijah in a still, small voice.  How can we hear Him if are constantly trying to down out everything internal with all things external.  I was trying to fill my emptiness with a wonderful relationship with a special man, but what I needed was a special relationship with a wonderful God!

2. Stay Busy for God.  Proverbs 16:3 “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”  We need times to be still, but we also need to spend our extra time serving the Lord.  I believe that when we are busy doing something for God, He will bring the right man along.  What better place to find a man than in the path of God?!  “I being in the way, the Lord led me.”  (Gen. 24:27) Besides, you know the old saying, “A watched pot never boils!”  Staying busy for God also helps keep your thoughts right and your heart from wondering down the wrong path.

3. Wait.  Psalm 27:14  “Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart:  wait, I say, on the Lord.”  Notice God tells us to “be of good courage.”  Ladies, let me tell you…it takes courage to wait on the Lord!  It seems easier to just take things into our own hands and just jump at the first guy that comes along.  I have seen more than one lady regret not waiting.  It is heartbreaking too see ladies (and men) enduring (or exiting) marriage rather than enjoying marriage all because they were simply too anxious to wait on the Lord.  God says He will strengthen our hearts, but He cannot strengthen something that is not yielded to Him.

4. Be appropriate—in your actions and attire.  We ought always strive to put forth our best and look our best.  We should do this because God tells us to “…do all to the glory of God” (I Cor. 10:31)  not so we can win a man.  Just remember, if you must act inappropriately or dress inappropriately to catch his eye and attention, some other woman will likely come along and get his attention by “flaunting her wares” with her inappropriate actions and attire.  If YOU can win him, YOU can lose him.  If you will allow the Lord to bring you together, you will have a much stronger and sweeter relationship because it is based on GOD and not man!

5. Seek Godly counsel.  What exactly is inappropriately action/attire?  As a single lady, I did not realize how men SEE things.  Many women—even married women—have absolutely NO IDEA of how men think.  Please, seek Godly counsel from your Pastor and his wife or some other Godly married couple.  Let them help you.  You won’t regret it.

Lastly (although this is truly primary), please allow me to encourage you to love God with all your heart, soul and mind.  After all, He is the one Who loves you more than life itself.

Who Are You? Pastor Lawrence

Matthew 19:12  “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”  This is part two in a series of articles discussing the common reasons why singles are single.

     Who are you?  It seems like an easy question.  But you would be amazed how many singles date people who are not like them. When I was in college I learned about myself.   Who I was.  I learned that there is things that push my buttons, how much I am like my parents, how much I really don’t know, and many other things.   And I want you to always remember this principal.  You attract what you are in dating and not what you want.  We all have heard of the story of a good girl marrying a creep of a guy, because she thought she could change him and she just had to get married.    The Bible is so true when it says in Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”  And the truth is that all our friends and our future spouse had to have a connection of agreement or we would not be with them. 

      In dating you need to look for someone with a background as close to yours as you can.  Because the more you have in common the more likely it is that the relationship will workout and marriage will happen.  I am going to give you a list of things you need to look for in a future spouse.  And if the person you are dating is lacking in one of these areas, then that is fine if you can live with that area that they are lacking in.  And only you can determine if you can live with there differences or not.  But in the end you must accept there difference and accept who they are.

1.  Spirituality-  In II Corinthians 6:14 it says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?  and what communion hath light with darkness.”  My heart breaks when I hear of some person that is dating an unsaved person.  And that single thinks that they are going to change that person and get them saved.  But rarely does it.  God never intended dating to be a soul winning activity to get your future spouse.  It can also be hard if they are of different faiths.  Now it could work, but more committed both parties are to their faiths the harder it will be on there  marriage.   The last is someone that is of the same faith, but one of them is worldly and is a believer in name only.  I just want to warn you that you may be satisfied with your spiritual luke warm dating partner for now, but in the future you will want a spouse that lives the same christian level of faith that you believe in and especially when you have children.   

2.  How clean are they?  This may or may not be an issue to you, but it can be one.  It is sad to hear women talk about having another child in the house, because they have to pick up after their husband.  If you are the clean type you should check out how they take care of the things they have.  A good example would be how clean is their car.  If they don’t mind people seeing there dirty car, then they problable keep the unseen things dirty also.  Like a room or a house.  Other examples are if they bath regularly and do they iron there clothes.  If you are clean or not you will be much happier with someone who is like you. 

3.  Race-  This does not have to be a problem, but you need to understand all that you are getting into.  For further information read the article on interracial dating.

4.   How were they raised.  Some things to rember in dating is finicial and educational background.   How we are raised affect so much on how we percieve things.  If you are good with money and they are not, then you will need to keep in the back of your mind that you are going to have to manage the money in the home someday if this relationship works out.  If the person you are dating grew up in a rich home, then they will probable will expect a higher standard of living, then you if you grew up in a poor home.  Or if a girl had a rich dad that spoiled her then you have to understand that she will want the same standard of living when you are married.

      Even though opposites attract, they also repel when they are together.  You need to find someone who is like you and this is only a sample of things you need to look for in dating.  None of these differences in and of themselves will break a relationship, but the more you have in common the better the chance that it is going to work out.

Is My Guy Cheating on Me? Pastor Larry Jones

On of the saddest things I have to do as a minister is counsel when someone has been cheated on.  If its either in dating or in marriage.  But one could thing about being cheated on in dating is that you know what you have.  That person will not change with a wedding.  Sadly many people don’t find out until they are married.  So here are somethings to pay attention to if you thing that the person you are dating is not being faithful.

“If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.”

5. He becomes suspicious of you.  “If he’s normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom,” says Healman. “It’s the result of him realizing that if he’s cheating and it’s not that hard, you might also be getting away with it.” Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent “How was work today?” queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he’s terrified of getting caught.

A Sure Fire Way To Loose Your Guy By Carrie Houston

2. Paranoia runs rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. And he is out with the guys or at church instead of you. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, “Have a great time tonight!” As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he’s doing, and you start to think “Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?” So then, you lob another text in to him asking “What’s going on? What are you doing right now?” Even though he tells you he’s just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:

You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he’s out with his friends, respect his time — it will make you the cool woman he’s always wanted to find.

4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you’re dating looks at you and says, “You really look beautiful tonight!” Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, “How do I look tonight?” Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don’t give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.

On Line Dating Don’ts By Jeff Houston

     1. Don’t pose for pictures.When checking out the photos on a dating profile, I always remind myself that I’m seeing the subject at her/him absolute best. And that’s OK — it only makes sense to put up your most flattering photos. But I hate it when women do that pouty, or bored look whenever someone pulls out a camera. A funny candid shot goes a lot further with me.  Or not posting a posting a picture at all.  It always amaze me how many people will register on a website and not show a picture of themselves.

     3. Don’t overshare.While I instantly skip profiles that only feature one photo and a few uninformative scraps of personal information, there’s something to be said for a little mystery.   It is always best to put your best foot forward.  Sharing things like how you hate your job, your problable with the opposes gender, your problem with your parents divorce or some other heart ache you had as a child, and jokes about yourself.  These things don’t draw a person toward you, but push them away.  Don’t reveal your negatives, and don’t look for support from someone that has shown interest in you.  Don’t get me wrong there will come a time that you should share those different things, but down the road when they have grown to like you. 

Preconceived Ideas By Pastor Lawrence

Probles with Singles Part I

Matthew 19:12  “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchsof men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”

      In the next couple issue’s I am going to talk to you about the major problems singles have.  There is a reason why singles are single.   Through the years I have talked, read, counseled and studied singles, and I came up with four major reasons why singles are singles.  And in the next couple issue’s I am going to reveal them to you our readers.  My hope is that if you know the why of singles, you can change  But let me start with an illustration.  There once was three people in a house and a flash flood hit the area.  The two girls and one guy could not drive away, so the ran to the roof of the house for safty.  As the waters slowly increased a row boat came by, and all three said no to the person willing to help them.  The first was a guy  and thought God was going to work some miracle and save them all.   And both girls thought that they would not be caught dead in a row boat, and what would there friends say if they saw them.  Others came by and all refused for the same reason.  Mr Spiritual felt God was going to part the water and they would walk on dry ground, and the girls were waiting for just the right boat.  But the water kept rising higher and higher.  Another row boat came by and the guy invited one of the girls to let him save them.  The first girl turned him down, but the second girl was worried about the water.  It has already rising to the bottom of the roof and his boat could bring her to safety.  So she got in the boat and he took good care of her as he brought her to safety.  The others two saw people come and go.   And all promised safety.  One was being carried by a log in the water and shouted “come with me and I will take care of you!”  Both laughed thinking he couldn’t even save himself.  Yet more  boats  came by.  Some were row boats, some were large boats, but every one that came by was found to have some problem by the two them on the roof.  Finally a helicopter came by and the guy waived the helicopter to move on and said “don’t worry God will save me.”  The girl had a different opinion and she thought much of climbing the ladder and flying to safety, and the water had already come up on the roof .  And soon their were going to drown.   But it just was not her type and and she convinced by her friend that God would bring the right boat to save them real soon.  Yet they were not saved and drowned.  As they stood before God they both asked why he did not save them.  To which God answered, “I did” ” I brought the Helicopter, and the boats to save you”  “You chose to die by your refusal to get into the  boats.”

      Sadly many singles end up like those two people in the story.    Singles end up being single because they fall into the trap of preconceived ideas.  And the preconceived ideas come in two different forms.  With men it is looks.  We as men today have been influenced by the media with a preconceived idea that a women should look a certain way or dress in a certain way.  The result is that men become to picky and miss out on the good girl that is not the  beauty queen, but would make a great wife.   And in reality the models don’t even look that way in real life.  It is amazing what make up artist and computer can do to make a women look beautiful.  And when you see them in real life they don’t look any different from any other women.   But in reality there is no perfect person physically or personality wise.  We all have good things and bad things about us all.  And men to often hold women to the unrealistic standard that is set by Hollywood.

       The women have preconceived ideas also, but in a different way.  Women are to easily convinced that a guy is a certain way by what there friends say, by what car he drives, or how much money he makes.  Looks can be also, but it is not the same with a woman as it is with a man.  I deal with single women who have been molested by some man and don’t want to get married, or don’t trust men.  The girl could of gone through  a divorce and see all her friends have horrible marriages, or getting divorced themselves.  These preconceived ideas influence women to reject a man based on her past experience or by what others say.   That could make a good husband.  Let give you a few thoughts on preconceived ideas for both men and women.

1.   Let go of past hurts.   I have seen people hurt only  themselves, because they refused to forgive.  And I have even seen  people who refused to forgive and actually become that which they hate.  God gives a commandment to forgive not to frustrate you, but to help you.  Healing only happens when you are willing to let go and forgive.  God is always in control and when people  refuse to forgive there is often a deep resentment against God.  If it is a former spouse that has committed adultery, being cheated on when you were dating, or in anything you need to forgive.  It is the best for your own sake.

2.  Try to be friends with many singles.   As the old saying goes “a  journey of a thousand miles begin with one step,” so does it in dating.  The journey of a happy marriage and a life long relationship with that special someone begins with the first step of friendship.  It is so frustrating when someone will not give another singles a chance, because there friends would not approve, she makes more money then him, or she is not as beautiful as he thinks he deserves.  I have seen hundreds of people who gave that other person a first date and before they knew it they had fallen in love, and now they are happily married.  Don’t worry if they are marriage material or not.   Just go out with them trying to be  their friend and see if there is something in common and you will be amazed to see the magic of love work!

3.  Look for qualities that have a lasting value.   Men are so often caught up by looks, and in the years to come she will probable change physically.   Pick someone that have qualities that are lasting.  Look for someone that you could point to your future children to has a good example.   Women should also being willing to give a guy a try, even though he may not be the prince charming that you envisioned.   Have a dating counsel and discuss if this person is a good person for you to date.  I highly recommend your Pastor, your Dad, or an older person you highly respect.  The lasting values you should look for are  things like there faith, can they hold down a job, and how they treat animals and children.  This is a whole article itself, but determine that you will make these principal in your life.  And you could be opening a door to your future spouse!   Just a thought.   

The Danger of the Holidays by Pastor Lawrence

The Bible teaches in II Corinthians 6:14  it says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what  fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what comunion hath  light with darkness?”  

     I want to chat with you for a moment.  I am asking you to pretend that you and I are sitting down and are talking about the holidays in my office.  It is sad to hear how many lives the devils destroy over the Holidays.  As a Youth Pastor over and over again I would hear of one of my teenagers go to some party and do something they never intended to do.  Or they were with some “friends” and got in trouble because they were in the wrong crowd.    In Amos 3:3  it says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”  We all are being constantly influenced by the people we hang around.  Not one of us is excluded.  If they don’t go to your church or a church of like faith, then you should  have nothing to do with them.  On December 31,  instead of going to the party on why don’t you go to the church hous for a Watch night service.  There is nothing better then praying in the new year.  If there is no service at your church then you should spend some quality time with the family.   We should not even hang around the world.  You show me who you hang around and I will tell you what kind of person you are.  We should not be talking, acting, or thinking like the world.   I want to ask you a question.  Do the friends you hang around curse, or go to places that would embarse you if Jesus saw you there.  You know he sees you anyways.  We should act as if our God is right next to you, because he is. Yet many Christians over the holidays will take alchol and do things that they never planned and reck there lives.    Us Christians  put ourselves in to much tempation.  Many of our temptation to sin was put there by us, and we fight to many spiritual battles that God never intended for us to fight.  And it is because we put ourselves into tempatation.   You may or may not believe drinking is wrong, but it has been proven to destroy your liver if taken over the years.   And the Bible teaches in I Corinthians 6:19 that we are the temple of God.  And we should never do anything that would destroy the temple God has given us.   The world is going in a different direction then the child of God.  And that goes for the Holidays also.  The origanally Holidays were Holydays.  These we special days set apart by God to remember what God have done for them.  As an example the Passover is a Holyday for every Jew.  And the world has changed the meaning of the  Holidays.   To them it is all about having a  good time, family, and reflection.  And that in itself is not all that bad.  But for the child of God it is about thanking our Saviour Jesus Christ for all the blessings he has brought on our lives.   Keep  Christ the center of your Holidays, and do nothing that you would be ashamed of if you were found out.   I hopet you to spend much time with the family.  Many a friend have come and gone, but my family has always been there.   At this writting my Dad is not well.  He has been battling cancer for five years, and I never know if this is will be the last Christmas.  And I am glad that I have made many wonderful memories with him.  I know that when he dies, if it is next year or five years from now that I will have no regrets.  I am not saying that you should not  spend any time with your friends, but spend the majority of your time with God and Family.  This is the most precious treasure we have, and if you do all in this article you will not have any regrets after the Holidays.  Just a thought!

MY FAMILY TREE By Victoria Lynn Siebenhaar

　
      I was asked to speak at a Singles Conference about the Cure for Loneliness and Depression. As I prepared my lesson, I began to wonder why loneliness and depression had never taken residence in my heart. I remembered distinctly the last time I had felt depressed about being older and still single. I had been looking at a diagram of our family tree when my heart filled with incredible emotion as I compared my brothers’ branches to mine. Their branches flourished with the names of their children and grandchildren. My branch stopped with my name. Immediately Sadness, Depression, and Loneliness began to knock at my door. Although I did let those unwelcomed emotions visit for just a few moments, they outstayed their welcome and I chose to never let them take residence in my heart.
 
To symbolize the decision of not letting the root of depression or sadness spring up in me, I went outside and dug up a 5-foot tree. I chose carefully a tree that had plenty of branches and twigs sprouting off. I then took the time to cut paper leaves from construction paper. On each leaf, I wrote the name of someone I had helped encourage that week. Each name was represented by a note I had written,

a call I had made, cookies I had baked, treats I had delivered, or countless other ways I had taken the time to encourage someone’s day. As each name was written, I taped it to a branch or twig of my 5- foot tree. Within just a matter of a few minutes my tree was filled with leaves representing my extended family – those whom I love. I soon realized why Loneliness cannot abide in my heart. I am too busy! Depression cannot linger because I am too busy commending love to those represented on my own “family tree.”
 
In the past 20 years, I can recall only a few moments of time where loneliness or depression again knocked at my door. Those emotions usually stay away, because they know they are not welcomed in my heart. I challenge every reader to kick out those unwelcomed tenants and replace them with acts of service for others. Serving others is the key to combating loneliness, discouragement, sadness, and depression. So, the next time you can hear Loneliness knocking at your door, write a note of encouragement to an elderly shut-in. When you see Sadness coming up your driveway, stop him at the gate by calling a loved one who is going through a tough time. When Depression tries to sneak in your back door, bake a batch of cookies for your next-door neighbor or offer to rake their leaves. When Sadness attempts to enter by breaking down the door of your heart, immediately stop him dead in his tracks by taking the time to write a note of thanksgiving to your parents, pastor, boss, or co-workers. Combat the destructive seeds of loneliness and depression by living for others. Then, you too, will get to see your “family tree” in full bloom.
　
” And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul;
then
shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noon day:”
                                                            Isaiah 58:10

What is your dress telling people? Pastor Lawrence

       I verify every picture that is on this website, and it is always interesting to see the pictures that  I get.   One picture that I got this last month was very immodest.   And I e-mailed her and quoted my Dad which use to always tell my sister, “what it takes to get a man is what it takes to keep a man.”   Another words if you try to be sexy and attract guys through the body then they will not love you because of who are, but will only lust after you.  Sadly most women try to dress sexy to get a man to love her and ultimately marry her.  If drawn only to the body, then most men will only stay with you until they get what they want (sex) or till something else comes around that is better.  But a man who is attracted to who you are and not the body, then they will love you in the good days and in the bad.  And if he is the right kind of guy eventually marry you.

The Bible commands that women should wear modest clothing and in I Timothy 2:9 says, “In like manner also, that women adorn (put on) themselves in modest apparel (clothing).   This is saying that women should not wear clothing that draws attention to the body.  It is common knowledge that men are aroused by sight.  And the dress is the langage of thought to a man.  What is in your heart will come out in your dress.  You are telling a man that you are cheap and easy if you dress immodestly.  And even though you get his attention, it will be the wrong kind .   The nurse of infidelity is sensuality.  And it is a sin before all might God for you to arouse the wrong desires in men.

     There are certain common mistakes women wear in arousing the wrong desires in men.  Let me share some with you, that you will not give off the wrong message to men. 

1.   Tight Clothing.   So much of what is wrong in women dress is not shown, but it is suggested.  Things like tight sweater, tight blouses, or skirts that are tight is wrong.   Tight clothing that shows the entire figure of a women will definitely arouse the wrong desires in a man.  God has given you to one man and it is sin to show off what is not yours.  It is a type of adultery.  And you will regret it someday.

2.    Short skirts.  The mininum all ladies dress or skirts length should go to the bottom of the knees.   The Bible teaches that it is nakedness for men or women to reveal there thighs.  The Bible teaches in Exodus 28:42 says, “to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach.”  He we have the Lord tell Moses that it is wrong for the priest to show there thighs, because it would be nakedness.  And the shorter you make your dress ladies the more of the wrong attention you will receive.  And if you have every dress or skirt length you own be to the bottom of the knee, then it still will be on the border line of doing wrong.  Because you can sit down and cross your legs, and the it can arise and show the thighs still.  It is safe to wear all outfits to the middle of the calf.     You probable look at the out fit and think how pretty it is, but that is not what men are going to think.  And this applies also to shorts.  Please don’t think I am mad at any lady, but I just don’t want a men imagining sleeping with you in there mind.  And they will if you dress immodestly.

3.  A Plunging neck line.  Things like halter tops, and plunging neck lines that show part of your breast is a sin.  God wants you to be pure, and the nurse of infidelity is sensuality.  God wants you to be modest in all your clothing.  And most mens eyes will drift down when you are advertising your body to men.  And the sad thing is that men don’t respect a dirt women.  What men want to marry is a clean and pure girl that has saved herself for her husband someday.  So if you are a clean and pure girl don’t advertise what you are not!!

     So what is your dress telling people about you?   Is it saying that you are easy, and would be willing to go to bed with the right guy.  Or does it say that you are a clean , pure, and a christian girl that is saving her self .     My goal is not you hurt any women, but a desire for women to be treated as a lady and the greatest creation God has ever made.  Be pure on the inside and on the outside.  Just a thought.

Is God in Control? (Breaking Up) By Pastor Lawrence

    It is a rare person that has never experienced this.  At first there seems so much promise, and they are so wonderful.  And people tell you that you look great together.  But after a while for some reason they don’t want to date you anymore.  Many have cried and asked God “why?”   Today I want to give you some thoughts about how to handle a break up.

      The first thing I want you to always remember is that God is in control.  Nothing happens without God allowing it.  Always remember that God loves you.  The Bible says in Revelation 3:7 says, “he (Jesus) that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth.”  God is always in control and he could of closed the door on this relationship.  He could have saved the relationship, but he might have something better for you.  As the old saying goes, “God leaves the best to those that leave the choice up to him.”  Be willing to let go any relationship, understanding that it is God that gives someone and he is totally capable of bring him/her back.  If it is his will.  Trust God.  And holding on to someone to tight is one of the major reason why someone breaks up with another.  Besides showing a girl/guy that you’re desperate for her, there is things you can say after the break up that will kill all chance of having them come back.  Here are some.

-Repeatedly telling him/her that you love them.

-Calling them non-stop to check up on them

-Asking (or begging) him/her to give you another chance.

-Telling him/her that they are “the one”, and that you can’t live without her.

-Letting him/her know that you love her and will always be there for them. 

     Sadly the consequences is that it pushes them father away, and it reassures them that they made the right decision to end this relationship.  They fell in love with a confident and and independent person.  They want to be with the person they met, not the person that you’ve become.  Nothing a person hates more than to be needed.  Being dependant on another is the surest way to kill a relationship.   And that person who needs the other the least will always be in control of the relationship. 

     Many dating books will promise ways to get them back, and even play mind games on them.   But in  Isaiah 55:8 says, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways”, and the way to save a relationship is to let them go and trusting God.   If it is his will he will bring them back and if not he will bring something better.  Just a thought!