The Truth & Nothing But The Truth By Larry Lawrence

Psalms 119:30 says, “I have chosen the way of truth.”

A famous actor reportedly once overheard a woman commenting on her latest glamorous magazine cover photo. “I would give anything if my skin looked that good,” the woman said with a sigh.

The actor introduced herself and said, “Believe me, so would I!” She knew better than anyone that such “perfection” is a myth.

No wonder people sometimes stretch the truth about themselves a little in the early stages of a relationship. Sadly, singles no longer compete solely with flesh and blood rivals, but with mass media icons that are the work of airbrush painting and Photoshop, not nature. Who wouldn’t be tempted to gloss over their blemishes and emphasize a few highlights in their life?

Even so, there is a big difference between forgivable cosmetic embellishment and devious deception. One is meant to “enhance” the truth, the other to hide it, or replace it with a totally false version of reality. Self-flattery is no crime, but outright lies are dangerous. They usually obscure facts that, if known, would threaten the relationship—other romantic commitments, severe financial difficulty, even criminal behavior. So how can you know if you are dating a liar? Here are six ways to protect yourself:

Watch for inconsistency.
A person who tells lies must work hard to keep track of what they have said, and to whom. When the details of a story don’t add up, or keep changing over time, it may be a sign that you’re not getting the straight scoop.

Be alert to: too much information.
Liars often give themselves away by offering overly elaborate explanations for their actions. It is the inverse of Occam’s Razor, the famous rule of logic, which says that the simplest solution to any problem is usually the correct one. The greater a story’s complexity, the more likely it is to be untruthful.

Read nonverbal reactions.
Words may conceal the truth, but a liar’s language usually speaks volumes. Watch for excessive fidgeting, reluctance to make eye contact, closed and defensive postures like tightly folded arms, and even which direction a person looks when trying to recall details. If his eyes move up and to the right while he thinks of what to tell you next, watch out!

Ask direct questions.
If you suspect someone is lying, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t be bullied into dropping it until you are satisfied.

Trust your gut.
One of the great breakthroughs in modern medical science is the discovery that neurochemicals long associated with “thinking” are not just located in the brain. In fact, the greatest concentration is found in—you guessed it—your abdomen. In other words, if a “gut feeling” tells you something your partner says is fishy, don’t ignore it.

If all the evidence points to devious deception in a fledgling relationship, break it off. The stark reality is, the situation is unlikely to improve—and may very well grow dangerously worse over time. There are too many good, honest people in the world to get yourself tangled up with a liar. It is better to break it off now, then to have a mate you can’t trust.

Truthfulness is an essential ingredient in any relationship. Don’t settle for less. In every aspect of life, and especially romantic partnerships, honesty really is the best policy.

The Secret to Dating Success By Jerry Palmer

Want to know an often-overlooked secret to dating success? What you tell yourself about yourself can radically improve not only the quantity of your dates, but also the quality of your love life.

It’s true: You will boost your odds of finding a fantastic partner if you become convinced deep down that you have a lot to offer. You bring many assets and attributes to a potential relationship, and you’ll radiate that fact when you regularly remind yourself of your best qualities. To move forward with, believe the best about yourself and your future.

Begin by paying close attention to your self-talk, all those silent but powerful internal messages you continually send yourself.

Most of the time we have little awareness of our internal dialogue. Yet this self-talk has a huge impact on how you feel about yourself. It is the single most important determiner of whether or not you feel profound significance at your core. Your self-talk is a primary tool for realizing your loveability. Healthy persons are keenly aware of what they say to themselves, how they say it, and when they say it.

Self-talk is closely related to self-fulfilling prophesies. What you believe will happen often does happen. Action follows attitude, behavior follows beliefs. Suppose you’re on a date with someone you really like, but things are off to a bumpy start. The conversation is stiff, and you’re both tense. You’re at a fancy restaurant, and your self-talk plays like this: “Why can’t I ever think of anything to say? My jokes are so lame. Why did I choose this outfit? It makes me look fat.”

If all of this is going on in your mind, it’s sure to leak out in your behavior. You’ll act nervous and self-conscious. It’s a cyclical process, since negative self-talk accelerates the downward spiral.

But suppose you shifted your internal dialogue: “It’s nice to be on a date. I’m just going to be me and have a great time. I think we’re starting to click.” All of these positive thoughts will enable you to be more underline! important;”

Positive self-talk is not only important for brief periods of time, but can also provide optimism as you look toward the future. Imagine the single person whose internal messages say, “I’m never going to find a decent partner. My last relationship ended miserably. I’m destined to be single and alone all my life.” Replayed constantly, that kind of thinking will become ingrained.

What a difference it would make if the self-talk were affirmative and hopeful. “I can’t wait to find the person of my dreams. I’ll hold out as long as it takes to find the best partner for me. And while I’m waiting, I’m going to keep working on myself to grow, develop, and improve.” That kind of thinking builds momentum in a positive direction.

Want to find the love of your life? Start by muzzling your inner critic. Instead, become your own biggest booster, cheerleader and encourager.

Homosexuality – When Passions Are Confused Part I

WHAT IS HOMOSEXUALITY?

Defining Homosexuality

Homosexuality is a persistent preoccupation with erotic encounters involving members of the same sex, which may or may not be acted out with another person. Put another way, it is making deliberate plans to entertain and cooperate in sexual fantasies or behaviors with someone of the same sex.

Homosexuality is vastly different from questioning our sexual orientation because of the presence of occasional same-sex attractions. Having the attractions are obviously part of the struggle, but they are not something for which we are morally responsible. It’s when we begin planning to entertain the attractions in fantasy or behavior that we cross the line.

In His Time stands with the Bible in the matter of homosexuality. The Bible teaches that we should love the person, but hate there sin. I have two people in my life that practice the homosexual lifestyle. One of them is my cousin she is a lesbian. On Christmas day I visited her dad and she and I played pool. I don’t approve of her lifestyle, but she knows that I love her. The next couple issue’s we are going to take a biblical look at homosexuality and the myths of it. Pastor Lawrence

In the midst of the horrors surrounding the World War II Holocaust, a teenage Jewish girl carefully recorded her frightening experiences and private inner thoughts. In a portion of her diary, addressed to the imaginary friend she had always wanted, she shares one of her most troubling secrets.

Feeling distant from her unsympathetic mother, Anne Frank writes of her confusing sexual attraction for females: “I remember that once when I slept with a girlfriend, I had a strong desire to kiss her, and that I did so. I could not help being terribly inquisitive over her body, for she had always kept it hidden from me. . . . I go into ecstasies every time I see the naked figure of a woman. . . . It strikes me as so wonderful and exquisite that I have difficulty in stopping the tears rolling down my cheeks. If only I had a girlfriend.”1

Anne Frank’s disclosure is a vivid example of the kinds of thoughts within many young people who occasionally experience this type of attraction. They’re both alarmed and excited in the fleeting moments or dreams when their bodies are sexually drawn to the same sex.

Some say that the presence of these attractions qualifies a person as a “homosexual.” But this isn’t true. Confused feelings about sexuality are not unusual among teenagers. The attractions exist, in part, for reasons outside of a person and do not mean they are abnormal. The existence of such feelings, however, signal deeper feelings of hurt, anger, and fear.

Like heterosexual temptation, same-sex attraction torments the lives of a significant number of teenagers and adults–male and female, single and married, churched and unchurched. It’s a struggle that cuts across all segments of population, economic status, and social standing.

For many, especially Christians, shame and a fear of condemnation drive the struggle underground, making it difficult to seek help and understanding. Some deny the feelings, hoping they’ll go away. Many others live with a pervading sense of hopelessness about the possibility for change. If the attractions turn into a preoccupation, the temptation to embrace homosexual behavior is great.

Adding to the struggle is a surging cultural acceptance of homosexuality and a misrepresentation of what the Bible says about homosexual behavior. These two forces have made homosexuality easier to accept as “normal.”

If you or someone close to you is weary of struggling with homosexual attractions or activities, the following pages outline a process of hope and direction for those exhausted by the enslaving grip of unwanted fantasies and/or behaviors.

We will also discuss the Bible’s view of homosexuality, and we’ll offer a level of understanding that can eliminate some unnecessary confusion surrounding the development of same-sex attraction. Some will find the material difficult to accept. But remember that Jesus promised to offer help and freedom to those who are willing to embrace what is true (Jn. 8:32).

How To Impress Women By Jason Elery

I’m going to share a secret that I’ve learned over the years. It’s a secret that 98% of all men on this planet don’t know about, or will ever figure out. The reason that most men don’t know about this
particular secret is that it’s too obvious, and it’s easily over-looked.

Here’s the deal…I often notice that when I am out in the field, that others will approach and start talking to a girl, and then immediately start trying to “impress” her. I personally believe that on some level all men feel a powerful desire to impress women. This seems to be the way our brains have been programmed to act when we’re talking to a girl we like. You can sit a watch a guy when he’s with a girl that he just met, and you’ll notice his body language and his behavior just screaming “Like me, please!” Not good. Maybe you’ve been there yourself. I know I have. Many, many times, in fact. Here are some of the signs that a man is trying impress a woman:

1. He feels that he “doesn’t want to mess this up” and tries to be “on his best behavior”.

2. He tries to say things that will make him seem cool in the eyes of the girl.

3. He acts weird and unnatural when talking to a girl.

4, He’s inside his head and tries to figure out “the next move”.

5. If a woman has a negative reaction to something he says, he instantly hits “reverse” and tries to change what he said to suit the woman.

So what’s the secret? It’s actually quite simple…STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS HER. If you stop trying to impress women, and apply
some of the strategies and tactics I’m teaching you instead, women will be DRAWN to you naturally like magnets. It’s actually counterproductive to try to impress a women. Let me rephrase that…TRYING TO IMPRESS A WOMAN HAS THE OPPOSITE REACTION. I’m not kidding. They have a subconscious radar for this kind of stuff, and will see through it INSTANTLY. So let’s analyze the cause of this behavior that so many of us seem to indulge in. Through my many experiences in the field with hundreds of students, I’ve noticed that this
powerful desire to impress a women we like is caused by the BELIEFS we hold in our head.

These beliefs include:

1. I don’t think you’ll like me for who I am, so I will try to “impress” you instead.

2. I’m not comfortable enough around women to just act normal.

3. I don’t have a lot of experience with attractive women.

4. I’m insecure.

5. I don’t know how to make women feel comfortable with me.

And here’s the kicker…All of this is communicated on a “subtle” level when you try to “impress” a girl, and that’s why the girl INSTANTLY picks this stuff up and loses attraction for you. The conversation will start to feel awkward, your body language will become incongruent, and you’ll worry about what to say next. Now of course, in the beginning of this article I told you that knowing this secret will put you
ahead of 98% of all other men. That’s because 98% of ALL MEN DO IT ALL THE TIME. It’s predictable, boring, and too common to spark
any attraction. Most men don’t have the courage to turn an every-day question around to something that creates attraction in a woman. They probably don’t even know that they CAN. Now, there are one thing that you can do that will INSTANTLY impress a woman… and I mean REALLY impress her.
But this thing is subtle and hard to put your finger on if you don’t know about them. The thing you can do to REALLY impress a women is to make her feel a powerful ATTRACTION for you. The feeling of attraction is what makes a woman pursue you, and think about you long after you have left and gone home. What the best way to create this attraction in a woman? Stop trying to impress women. Stop right now.
Relationship are given by God. We can give suggestions, but ultimately it is God that will give the right girl to you in his time.

The Problem is You By Pastor Lawrence

Matthew 19:12 “For there are some eunuchs (singles), which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there be eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

This is the the third major reasons why singles are still single. In this verse Jesus said that there is three reasons why singles are still single. This is about the last one Jesus mentioned when he says, “have made themselves eunuchs.” This one hits home personally. I know I have problems in my own life and I pray everyday for the Lord to work on me personally to be the man of God he wants me to be.
It says in Genesis 3:12, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me.” I always hate reading this verse. He ate the forbidden fruit. And here is Adam not taking responsibility for his own action and blaming his wife. Like Adam we can blame others for our problem of being single or take responsibility for where we are in life. We all have things that we need to work on. And it is the wise person who sees that he has a problem and that they are single because that problem is keeping them finding the right person and getting married. You define who you are. You can either decide to grow or ignore your problem that God has allowed in your life to help you grow as a person.
The major personal problems that keep singles from finding the right person is…..
1. Over weight. Some people are forty pounds from a date. It is sad to see a good girl who is spiritual and has a good head on her shoulders, but the guys are not asking her out because she is over weight. Remember you attract what you are and if you are over weight you will only attract someone that is over weight people. Do you need to loose some weight?

2. Distants. Sometimes it is hard to find someone when you are not with people. Are you a home body? The right person probably will not come knocking on your door. You need to donate you time to charity or to your local church. By getting out and meeting people it increases the chance of meeting the right person. And don’t travel in packs. It may be more fun to be with your friends, but it is much harder on a guy if he has to ask you out in front of you and your five other friends. If you are in your early 20’s I would recommend that you go off to a Christian college to meet someone. Or if you are on a dating website I recommend you trying to date someone who maybe is farther than your fifty mile radius.

3. Your Faith. This is not a bad thing and I recommend that you marry someone that has the same religious values that you do. But we are talking about problems that people have that keep them single. If you require that person to believe exactly like you, then you limit your options.

4. Won’t Ask or Won’t Accept. The major problem with most guys is that they don’t ask enough girls. They fear rejection and loose out on a good girl. With so many ladies they miss out on a good guy because they have there heart on this perfect guy that is at work, church, or where ever. They put blinders on and won’t accept another guys invitation because they think there dream guy is going to ask them and so many times he does not. And they miss out on true love by a good guy that did ask them out. And once a guy is rejected it is rare to have him ask you twice.

5. Looks. I am not saying you should look like some model in fact I think they probably spend to much time on themselves, but how is your hair? Is your clothes clean, pressed, and fashionable? You don’t have to be up on all the modern fashions and spend big money to look nice, but you should be clean, sharp and look like you planned what you wore today. Does your colors match? Ladies are you a tomboy? Men don’t want another man they want a lady that is feminine.

6. Age. The older you get the less likely you will find someone that does not have a problem that is keeping them single. The question you need to ask yourself is can you live with that person flaws. You may find a wonderful person that has loss there spouse and would be a wonderful person to marry. But that is the exception and the older you get the odds start working against you if you have never married.

7. Personality Problems. For men it is usually maturity. It is sad to see some forty year old man act less mature then some teenagers I know. For women it is usually a temper problem that keeps them single. But it could be just being shy. If you are not out going enough to show others who you are, then they will never love you for who you are. Give them a chance to love the real you.

Okay now that we have gone over the usual problems singles have for keeping them single lets talk about how to correct it. There are five things that will help you.
A. What you need to do is accept personal responsibility for being single. Unless you do this you probably will be single the rest of your life.
B. Get a wise counselor to help you in your dating. Your Preacher or a wise older Christian would be good also. Maybe you should talk about these seven problems that I mentioned to your parents or counselor and ask them if you have any of these that I mentioned.
C. Be pleasant. As the old saying goes, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” so also it is true with love. A journey of a live long love begins with a smile. Be nice to everyone, smile, and say good morning! You never know if your future spouse is right around the corner.
D. Join many dating websites. Look at it as a investment in your future. To many singles join one or two and if they don’t find true love in three months they give up on it. Keep joining and meeting new people.
E. The last thing is to maintain a walk with God. Yield yourself to him. By walking with him daily and being yielded to him you will take on more of the personality of the Saviour and will become a more attractive person to others. Just a thought!

Fighting Fair By Mary Rapina

No one’s telling you to rush out and engage in a below-the-belt, no-holds-barred battle with the person you are dating. But getting those mutual feelings of anger out in the open can have a beneficial effect on your health. The stress that is caused by unresolved anger can result in emotional and physical problems.

Couples that hold in those feelings build up a huge emotional pile of unresolved, unacknowledged and un-dealt with feelings that can literally kill them. We can get not only ulcers and migraine headaches, but even cancer.

Anger actually affects people physically in a negative way. When someone gets angry, he or she can experience a rapid heart beat, a rise in adrenaline and an increased breathing rate. None of these are good for the body.

There can be so much anger that it can cause high blood pressure, which is very had for your health.

Keeping one’s emotions pent up can actually cause physical damage over time. When things upset you about the person you are dating and you don’t say anything, it creates a rift over time. But have the fight in an appropriate way. If it turns explosive and toxic, that’s not good either. If managed properly, a fight can actually bring a dating couple closer together.

So, sit down with your boyfriend/girlfriend and resolve not to just simmer in silence.

Couples who are open and honest with each other have an outlet for their emotions. If not, the emotions build up like a volcano and pretty soon they either explode in unhealthy ways or they do damage internally.

How to have a Healthily Fight

You’re angry, so use the word “I,” not “you,”. In other words, say, “I need” and “I feel” rather than “You always” or “You never.”

Express your anger, so it does not turn into resentment, bitterness and revenge, but avoid shouting at each other and using four-letter words.

Don’t feel that you have to solve an anger-producing issue that day. When you try to patch things up before the end of the day, it may not be a sincere patch. There is nothing wrong with waiting until the next day.

If you are feeling really angry, call a short timeout. Take some deep breaths and walk around outside for 10 minutes to release some of the anger.

Finally, remember that all relationships have some conflict in them – and that’s a good thing. If a couple tells me that they don’t fight, I see it as a red flag. When you are in a committed relationship, there is bound to be conflict. Couples need to know that this is a normal part of a relationship.

Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a coworker, we all know someone who manages to win every argument, even when they’re in the wrong. How do they do it without raising their voice or coming to blows? According to psychologists, it’s simple: These master debaters have perfected the art of persuasion—knowing what to say and how to say it in every situation. Follow these tips to improve your rhetorical skills, make yourself heard, and beat the experts at their own game.

1. Be prepared.
A good lawyer wouldn’t dream of walking into the courtroom without reliable data, credible quotes, and background research. While you don’t need the paperwork of a professional attorney, you shouldn’t enter an argument without preparation either. Organize your ideas beforehand, anticipate your opponent’s arguments, and think of logical rebuttals. Remember, being prepared will make you more confident and convincing.

2. Assess your opponent.
When it comes to debate, it’s important to know who you’re dealing with. So, carefully consider your opponent’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as their goals and concerns. If you understand what your opponent attempts to achieve through the argument, you’ll be more likely to come up with good rebuttals and even solutions that can satisfy both sides.

3. Stay on message.
In the midst of a lively debate, it can be hard to stay focused. But according to experts, it’s a critical part of rhetorical success. In fact, many politicians are famous for their ability to consistently drive home the same key message, no matter what. To follow their lead, write down a series of talking points beforehand, then remind yourself to return to those points again and again.

4. Admit your mistakes.
Although it may be tempting to blame your opponent, you may achieve better results by admitting any ways in which you were wrong. In a recent study published in the Journal of Management, researchers found that people who are wronged in a business transaction were more likely to reconcile if they were offered a sincere apology. By taking responsibility, your opponent will be less defensive, which will enable you to move the conversation in a more productive direction.

5. Build consensus.
Rather than viewing a debate as a combative act, take a tip from the Dale Carnegie classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, and see the encounter as an opportunity to build consensus for your point of view. Along these lines, try to communicate with your opponent in a way that’s pleasant, friendly, and collaborative, rather than hostile. This way, he or she will be more likely to agree with you

The Valentine Day Blues Pastor Lawrence

All that goes into Valentine Day. And ads for the perfect gift for your loved one–it’s enough to make the happiest of us feel the frustration, sadness, and unsatified with your state of being single. You can probably imagine how it feels when you’re going through this tough time of the year.

Now add being single, divorced or unhappy in love and having to answer the yearly question: What are you doing for Valetine Day? Be careful before you answer. This seemingly casual inquiry often hides a trick question, even from caring family and friends, to pry into your love life–or lack of it.

Don’t despair. Yes, not having a good partner during the Valentine season can intensify feeling alone in a crowd. The solution is to take charge of your unhappiness and use your discomfort with this time of year to motivate you to make changes. Here’s a quick list of the most common “blue in love during the Valentine Day” issues and a Do and Don’t List.

Issue 1: “There’s something wrong me because I don’t have a partner-or anyone I want to bring to family and friend gatherings.”

Do

List your positive qualities and review them.

Tell your family and friends ahead of time not to ask you about your dating life or situation.

Don’t

Don’t measure your whole self by a few things such as being single.

Don’t compare yourself to siblings, cousins and friends who have partners. After all, you don’t really know what’s going on with them. In II Corinthians 10:12 the Bible says, “they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” I want to encourage you to rember that you don’t see the big picture, but our Saviour does and he will do what is best for us. So don’t ask God why others are married and you are not. He knows and he is doing what is best for you.

Issue 2: “I don’t have the time to date-or deal with breaking up. I’m not ready and it’s too hard to date anyway.”

Do

Forgive yourself.

Volunteer–it’s a great depression-buster. If your depression doesn’t subside, contact your Minister.

Think long and hard about what things to say yes or no to in your current relationship.

Get out there. Make your goal to meet new and different people. Tell everyone you’re interested in meeting someone. Join other dating sites, go to events and introduce yourself to anyone who seems interesting. Don’t leave until you do. Start or join a singles or divorce group. Throw a single/divorce party and have everyone bring a friend. Even in your everyday travels at the dry cleaner or supermarket, if you see someone you’d like to meet, say hello. Blame it on a friend’s bet that you wouldn’t do it. But be proactive this Valentine Day season.

Don’t

Don’t fall for the belief that “if it’s meant to be, it will just happen.”

Don’t do more of the same failed efforts. For example, if hiding out or limiting your ways of meeting someone hasn’t worked in the past, it’s not going to work in the future.

Issue 3: “It’s too late for me to change–and I really don’t know how.”

Do

Review your past to learn about your dating patterns, fears, life phase or events that contribute to avoiding love or falling in love when you did and why you picked a certain kind of person.

If your love life still seems like a mystery to you, seek help from your Pastor or a trusted counselor. Get brave enough to learn about yourself. Life is short.

Don’t

Ignore or minimize unacceptable behavior in yourself or the person you are dating .

Don’t give up or beat yourself up emotionally by hiding out, working long hours or drinking or eating too much.

Don’t be afraid of emotional pain or anxiety. No major changes in life happen without fear.

Valentine Day is a wonderful time, but it can be a sad time. Do this during the Valentine season and it will be more enjoyable and rewarding.

Who’s First In Your Life? By Mr Neil Fruit

Don’t “put the cart before the horse?”
God has both a general will for each of us and a specific will for each of us. The specific will is often not made clear to us until it is time for us to fulfill that will. The general will of God is readily available to us all of the time and at any time. Specifically, with regard to your dating and marriage, God will not likely come to you in a dream or vision and give you the name, address, and telephone number of the person you are to date and marry. If He did so this Web site would be completely without purpose. He does, however, have some general principles it is wise to follow.
Too often we get things completely backward. God is a God of design, a God of structure, and a God of order. God has a plan and a purpose for everyone and for everything. There are no accidents with God. Part of God’s plan and purpose is that we conform to His plan and His purpose. To do so we must first find God’s plan and God’s purpose or we are completely without hope of conforming to it. The problem is that it is far more convenient and far more palatable to us to devise our own plan and to then seek God’s permission and God’s approval for us to proceed according to our plan.
The children of Israel desired and appreciated the presence of God as they undertook their journey in the wilderness. God manifested Himself in the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night, but there was no one location where God met and dwelt with man, and it was the desire of God’s heart to have such a place. God put it in the heart of Moses to construct a place where God could and would dwell in the presence of man, but God did not leave it up to Moses to design and build such a place. God gave specific instructions to Moses. God designed and created the “blueprints” if you will of the place where He would meet with man. Moses’ job was to go to God and get the pattern and to then go to men (like Bezaleel) and construct the tabernacle according to the pattern God had given.
Life is made up of relationships. Life is not places. Life is not things. Life is not accomplishments. Life is people and relationships with those people. It was a relationship God was seeking with Moses and with Israel and God knew that if it was to be all that it could be and all that it should be, it would have to be according to a pattern: according to THE pattern.
Far too many of us have an idea of the perfect relationship. We have created in our mind what we would consider to be the perfect mate, the perfect life, and the perfect future, but this is our pattern and not His. Most of our families and most of our churches today are dysfunctional for the same reason: we have take a human “pattern” a human model as our pattern and model for not only our human relationships, but for our relationship with God as well. We learn first how to have a relationship according to the pattern of men rather than God. We then carry that dysfunctional pattern to our relationship with God. We have placed the cart before the horse.
This is not the “pattern” God would have us follow. God would have us first learn how to have a relationship by developing a good one with Him. The only way that is possible is by establishing the relationship according to His pattern for relationships. We love Him because He first loved us. We must first learn from Him how to love. We must then learn to love Him as He has loved us – sacrificially, and unconditionally. When we have thus learned how to love Him we will have the proper pattern for loving another person. Only then can we love according to the pattern of God and only then can we apply that pattern to our relationships with people in general and especially to the person with whom we would spend our life.
The best thing that you can do now is to learn to love God and to do so according to His pattern. Learn how to have a solid and wonderful relationship with God and show Him you value that relationship. Learn to love Him sacrificially and unconditionally. When you have convinced God that you understand what it is to have a good relationship with Him and that you know how to develop and maintain such a relationship (by following His pattern) God will more likely give you a human relationship to complete you. God is a jealous God, but He is not jealous in the sense that He would keep you from a wonderful human relationship. He proved this when He said that it was not good for Adam to be alone and then created the first woman. God honored the fact that Adam had loved God and learned to have a real, personal, and intimate relationship with Him. In the end, should God not choose to give you that perfect mate, should you find that God is all that you have, you will not be disappointed because you will know that God is all you need.

Being Single By Mrs Jane Grafton

I was about to turn 30 years of age. The prospect of getting married seemed to be a distant dream that would never be realized, and I was depressed at the thought of never marrying.

Some of my single friends in their late twenties had gone to our pastor, Dr. Jack Hyles, had shared with him that they wanted to get married, and he helped set them up with dates. I thought that was great and so I decided that I would visit my pastor also. I just knew that he would help me find a husband also.

Was I ever disappointed! When I shared my dream of wanting to date and marry, my pastor’s response shocked me. He said, “Jane, if I were you I would decide that I will probably never marry.” I was crushed. The only two words I really heard were , “NEVER MARRY!” Could he have really said what I thought he said? He then stated, “If you marry someday, fine, but if you never marry, you will learn to be content as a single lady.”

I left his office devastated that night. I just couldn’t believe it. NEVER MARRY! Those words went over and over in my mind. For several weeks I was more depressed that when I went into his office. However, in my early twenties I made a decision to go to my God-given leaders for advice when I needed it, and then to do what they suggested, even if I did not like what they told me.

I began praying about the words my pastor had said. I told God I wanted to marry, but since Pastor Hyles had suggested I learn to be content as a single person I wanted God’s help in doing so. It was a process, but God worked in my life and as I rearranged my thinking and became content as a single lady I really came to a point where I realized I was a happy person as a single lady. I realized that if I never married I could be happy and content. That was a wonderful turning point for me, and a wonderful place to be in life.

About a year later God brought a wonderful man of integrity and character into my life. It was not love at first sight; I was careful to not give my heart to this man I was dating until I was convinced that he was the man God wanted me to marry. People made statements such as, “You’d better hold on to this one; it might be your last chance.” I believe if I had not had that sage advice from my preacher I might have listened to such foolish advice. Rather, I knew I was happy as a single lady, and I did not want to marry someone just to get married. I wanted to be sure I loved this man for who he was and that I could be happier and more fruitful as a Christian married to him that I was as a contented, happy single lady.

My pastor gave me the best advice possible that day to answer my question to him. You see, I kept thinking that if I got married I would really be happy. However, marriage does not make one happy if the person is depending on that marriage to make her happy. Learning to be content as a single lady helped me to learn to be content as a married lady.

And so, today, I give you the same advice as my pastor gave to me. Learn to be content as a single lady. I have now been happily married for over 27 years, but I believe the key to the happiness I have experienced in my marriage is that I did not married to become happy. I had learned to be happy and content in my circumstances as a single lady.

God’s Greatest Desire By Pastor Redlin