On of the saddest things I have to do as a minister is counsel when someone has been cheated on.  If its either in dating or in marriage.  But one could thing about being cheated on in dating is that you know what you have.  That person will not change with a wedding.  Sadly many people don’t find out until they are married.  So here are somethings to pay attention to if you thing that the person you are dating is not being faithful.

1. He’s superprotective of his gadgets.“The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating emails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,”  says Pastor Ted Healmen of the Calvary Baptist Church.   So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming.  This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: “If your man starts grooming more without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s getting intimate with someone else,” says Healman.  You can actually thank modern mass media for this tip off. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his appearance, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys.  Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different.  “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn’t the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he’s showered at her place,” offers Healman.  So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying “the nose knows” might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore.  “If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added intimacy and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy.”  Healman says, Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships”: “

Dating can hurt and the road of love is never easy.  Please keep your eyes wide open.  We are all sinners and we need to be careful not to give our heart away to soon without knowing the person.  Use these five points and it will be less likely that you will be shocked if your boyfriend is dating another girl.  

You’re dating a guy, and it’s the crucial first few weeks. You really like this guy, and you’re wondering what you can do (or avoid doing) to keep this relationship going and not scare him away.

The truth is there are certain things that women can do that will scare men away. Don’t sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have gone somewhere by scaring a man off right at the beginning.

1. Trash-talking your ex. Don’t talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you’re dating. I don’t care if you’re on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don’t ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don’t talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you’re going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, “We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot.” That’s it.

2. Paranoia runs rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. And he is out with the guys or at church instead of you. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, “Have a great time tonight!” As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he’s doing, and you start to think “Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?” So then, you lob another text in to him asking “What’s going on? What are you doing right now?” Even though he tells you he’s just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:

3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they’re dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, “Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can’t believe she is going around in public like that!” What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you’re dating is telling him that you’re not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don’t love who you are and haven’t embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don’t trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.

4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you’re dating looks at you and says, “You really look beautiful tonight!” Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, “How do I look tonight?” Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don’t give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.

5. Clingy and possessive. You don’t need to do everything together. You’re still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don’t interest you, be cool with it. You don’t have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a church party together, you don’t have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start trying to pull him away — and certainly don’t do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.

6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, “You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they’re such a great couple, and you’ll love them!” A man hears this and thinks, “I don’t even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as ‘the boyfriend?’” We don’t want to be “the boyfriend” right away. It’s too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you’re all about. Believe me, once we get to know you — and like you — we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.

7.  Being sexually active before marriage.  It is so sad when I hear a women who thinks that going all the way will get her boyfriend to commit to marriage.  When in reality it actually pushes him from marriage.  Men don’t won’t a loose girl, and the women who saves herself is a rare treasure in this world of sexual promiscuity.  If he tries to get you to go to bed with him, then he really does not love you.  It is only lust. 

Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don’t scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!

     Everyone on this and every other website is hoping to find that special someone.  And as a single person I find that there is some mistakes I would like to share and hope you don’t fall into any of these categories.  

     1. Don’t pose for pictures.When checking out the photos on a dating profile, I always remind myself that I’m seeing the subject at her/him absolute best. And that’s OK — it only makes sense to put up your most flattering photos. But I hate it when women do that pouty, or bored look whenever someone pulls out a camera. A funny candid shot goes a lot further with me.  Or not posting a posting a picture at all.  It always amaze me how many people will register on a website and not show a picture of themselves.

     2. Don’t complain about the last guy/girl.Too many women (and men) use their profile to complain about former dates. For instance, there was a cute blond guy who almost got a message from me until I read the following: “No vegans, uber- hipsters or pervs. No exceptions.” Uh, OK. I’m none of the above, but he sounds a little bitter, no?  They want to know that you have moved on, and if you can’t move on from your former love how will you be in our relationship.  You are telling people that you are not ready to date.

     3. Don’t overshare.While I instantly skip profiles that only feature one photo and a few uninformative scraps of personal information, there’s something to be said for a little mystery.   It is always best to put your best foot forward.  Sharing things like how you hate your job, your problable with the opposes gender, your problem with your parents divorce or some other heart ache you had as a child, and jokes about yourself.  These things don’t draw a person toward you, but push them away.  Don’t reveal your negatives, and don’t look for support from someone that has shown interest in you.  Don’t get me wrong there will come a time that you should share those different things, but down the road when they have grown to like you. 

     4. Don’t make your pet a focal point.I get it — you care very much for Mr. Snugglebuttons, and it’s important for your guy to also be an animal lover. Fair enough. But take it too far and I begin to wonder if you’re looking for a boyfriend or someone to clean the litter box.  And don’t focus on any other one thing.  They are trying to get to know you but not one specific thing in your life. 

    

     Love is a slow process where you grow to love that other person as you take that journey of dating.  Take these sure steps and you will make a good first impression.