Preconceived Ideas By Pastor Lawrence

Probles with Singles Part I

Matthew 19:12  “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchsof men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”

      In the next couple issue’s I am going to talk to you about the major problems singles have.  There is a reason why singles are single.   Through the years I have talked, read, counseled and studied singles, and I came up with four major reasons why singles are singles.  And in the next couple issue’s I am going to reveal them to you our readers.  My hope is that if you know the why of singles, you can change  But let me start with an illustration.  There once was three people in a house and a flash flood hit the area.  The two girls and one guy could not drive away, so the ran to the roof of the house for safty.  As the waters slowly increased a row boat came by, and all three said no to the person willing to help them.  The first was a guy  and thought God was going to work some miracle and save them all.   And both girls thought that they would not be caught dead in a row boat, and what would there friends say if they saw them.  Others came by and all refused for the same reason.  Mr Spiritual felt God was going to part the water and they would walk on dry ground, and the girls were waiting for just the right boat.  But the water kept rising higher and higher.  Another row boat came by and the guy invited one of the girls to let him save them.  The first girl turned him down, but the second girl was worried about the water.  It has already rising to the bottom of the roof and his boat could bring her to safety.  So she got in the boat and he took good care of her as he brought her to safety.  The others two saw people come and go.   And all promised safety.  One was being carried by a log in the water and shouted “come with me and I will take care of you!”  Both laughed thinking he couldn’t even save himself.  Yet more  boats  came by.  Some were row boats, some were large boats, but every one that came by was found to have some problem by the two them on the roof.  Finally a helicopter came by and the guy waived the helicopter to move on and said “don’t worry God will save me.”  The girl had a different opinion and she thought much of climbing the ladder and flying to safety, and the water had already come up on the roof .  And soon their were going to drown.   But it just was not her type and and she convinced by her friend that God would bring the right boat to save them real soon.  Yet they were not saved and drowned.  As they stood before God they both asked why he did not save them.  To which God answered, “I did” ” I brought the Helicopter, and the boats to save you”  “You chose to die by your refusal to get into the  boats.”

      Sadly many singles end up like those two people in the story.    Singles end up being single because they fall into the trap of preconceived ideas.  And the preconceived ideas come in two different forms.  With men it is looks.  We as men today have been influenced by the media with a preconceived idea that a women should look a certain way or dress in a certain way.  The result is that men become to picky and miss out on the good girl that is not the  beauty queen, but would make a great wife.   And in reality the models don’t even look that way in real life.  It is amazing what make up artist and computer can do to make a women look beautiful.  And when you see them in real life they don’t look any different from any other women.   But in reality there is no perfect person physically or personality wise.  We all have good things and bad things about us all.  And men to often hold women to the unrealistic standard that is set by Hollywood.

       The women have preconceived ideas also, but in a different way.  Women are to easily convinced that a guy is a certain way by what there friends say, by what car he drives, or how much money he makes.  Looks can be also, but it is not the same with a woman as it is with a man.  I deal with single women who have been molested by some man and don’t want to get married, or don’t trust men.  The girl could of gone through  a divorce and see all her friends have horrible marriages, or getting divorced themselves.  These preconceived ideas influence women to reject a man based on her past experience or by what others say.   That could make a good husband.  Let give you a few thoughts on preconceived ideas for both men and women.

1.   Let go of past hurts.   I have seen people hurt only  themselves, because they refused to forgive.  And I have even seen  people who refused to forgive and actually become that which they hate.  God gives a commandment to forgive not to frustrate you, but to help you.  Healing only happens when you are willing to let go and forgive.  God is always in control and when people  refuse to forgive there is often a deep resentment against God.  If it is a former spouse that has committed adultery, being cheated on when you were dating, or in anything you need to forgive.  It is the best for your own sake.

2.  Try to be friends with many singles.   As the old saying goes “a  journey of a thousand miles begin with one step,” so does it in dating.  The journey of a happy marriage and a life long relationship with that special someone begins with the first step of friendship.  It is so frustrating when someone will not give another singles a chance, because there friends would not approve, she makes more money then him, or she is not as beautiful as he thinks he deserves.  I have seen hundreds of people who gave that other person a first date and before they knew it they had fallen in love, and now they are happily married.  Don’t worry if they are marriage material or not.   Just go out with them trying to be  their friend and see if there is something in common and you will be amazed to see the magic of love work!

3.  Look for qualities that have a lasting value.   Men are so often caught up by looks, and in the years to come she will probable change physically.   Pick someone that have qualities that are lasting.  Look for someone that you could point to your future children to has a good example.   Women should also being willing to give a guy a try, even though he may not be the prince charming that you envisioned.   Have a dating counsel and discuss if this person is a good person for you to date.  I highly recommend your Pastor, your Dad, or an older person you highly respect.  The lasting values you should look for are  things like there faith, can they hold down a job, and how they treat animals and children.  This is a whole article itself, but determine that you will make these principal in your life.  And you could be opening a door to your future spouse!   Just a thought.