30-Something & Still Single By Pastor Jack Schaap

      There are many wonderful Christians  whom I know who I believe would make very good spouses and who desire very much to marry and build a family.  For reasons which often only God knows, they remain single and confused.  May I offer some gentle advice?

1.   Be sure jealousy and envy toward your married or engaged friends does not find a lodging place in your heart.  These are spiritual cancers that reveal themselves in subtle ways often noticed by spiritual men.

2.  Find a godly counselor who is willing to involve himself or herself in your search for the right man.  You may need to make some changes, and you will need to trust the sometimes not-so-subtle advice of a wise person.

3.  Realize that as you get older, your tastes become more defined, and you may find very few singles “acceptable.”  This is frustrating to a coulnselor.  Often, I arrange dates only to find an obstinate, highly critical analysis from some older single person who ought to use wisdom and not selfishness in this critique.  Date those people your counselor advises you to date and, by all means, reserve your judgement until after five or six dates with that person.  You need to borrow a little of the naive infatuation of 18 year olds.  Many adult singles have become so independent and self-sufficient that dating someone less than perfect appears to be a burden and intrusion into their secure lifestyle.  That’s the kind of selfish thinking that will keep you single or tempted to chase mature married men who appear to have it all together.

4.  Look for a man with solid character but who is unpolished.  A stable man with grimy fingernails and frayed clothing, but who possesses a balanced checkbook and a steady job might shine up with the right woman  polishing him.  Again, don’t look for a completed man.  Look for the good man who needs a woman’s touch.

5.  If you are well into your adult singleness, I recommend that you choose the single life.  Do not waste your years of health and strength with anger and resentment.  Choose the life you’ve been handed and use it.  Invest your life in others and, if it is God’s will, He is more than able to bring across your path a man who needs the talents and skills you have developed.  

 This is a chapter from Dr. Schaap great book “Dating with a Purpose”.  If you like to order this book call 219-932-0711 and ask for Hyles Publications to order a copy.