Distant Relationships By Pastor Wain
Most of us are in awe – or disbelief – when we hear that a couple has been married for 50 years or longer. These days few marriages, let alone relationships, last that long. For instance, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 76 percent of men who married in 1955 to 1959 stayed married for at least 20 years, while only 58 percent of men who married in 1975 to 1979 stayed married as long. Marital longevity also declined for shorter anniversaries or couples that stayed together five, 10 or 15 years.
But even if your relationship or marriage lasts for 10 years or more, it doesn’t mean it’s overflowing with romance. So what’s the secret to keeping romance alive in long-term relationships? Perhaps a clue lies in how you define romance, as revealed in a study published in the Review of General Psychology.
“Many believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love,” said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, Ph.D. “It isn’t. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships, but not the longer ones.”
Here are other ways to keep romance alive in your relationship:
• Hold on to what you fell in love with in the first place. According to Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, a psychologist and relationship counsellor, it’s common for people to begin to focus on negative traits as a relationship progresses. Instead of dwelling on faults, Dr. Shoshanna recommends holding on to how you felt about each other when you first met and when you saw only the best in each other.
• Be ready for the special moments in a relationship and take time to create them. In a study of the 10 cities where romance is booming conducted by Sperling’s BestPlaces, baby boomers (between ages 45 to 60) didn’t wait for special occasions to shower each other with romantic items flowers and candy. “This study suggests that it is often the little things that they do that mean the most when it comes to expression of romance,” said researcher Bert Sperling.
• Fulfill each other’s needs. Dr. John Gray – renowned for his relationship books, including Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus - points out that men often underestimate how important romance is for women, and women don’t quite get the high priority men place on . Taking care of each other’s needs strengthens that feeling that a partner is there for you Acevedo talks about.
• Have a date night. In the BestPlaces study, date night helped Dallas baby boomers to keep romance simmering. It’s especially important after you have children. But it’s also critical in an age where 10-hour work days, business trips, greater parental involvement in school, and technology diversions (such as online trading or 200 TV channels) are par for the course. It’s easy for your partner to feel they’re being ignored or taken for granted. Date night is a time to focus on just the two of you, and creates an automatic opportunity to rekindle romance if it’s beginning to fizzle.
• Be open to fun and happiness. Fun is a crucial part of bonding and of romance, states Dr. Shoshanna. But you also have to be willing to be happy, and to let go of grievances and self importance. “The very heart of romance is enjoying each other, feeling hopeful and alive.”
Singles to Singles | lawrence July 7, 2009 | 
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Christian perspective. The way we are suppose to act as a single person and in our actions on dates. 
If you decide to date or marry someone of another race please keep these few thoughts in mind. In America most is for interracial dating, but studies have shown that the percentage of people actually dating someone of another race has not greatly increased. But most Americans today are not so offended to see a Spanish person marrying a black as it would be if a white person married a black person. There is a sense of security that we find the more someone is like us. If that be in dress, color, religious beliefs, body size, economic standing and ect. And as I said earilier the more you have in common the better the marriage will be. Please keep in mind that someone with a different racial back ground quite possiable have different beliefs from yours in the way you rearing children, religous standards, and the perception of what the home should be. Instead of marrying someone with the same back ground. There are also many places in the country where people are still against interracial dating and the negative attitude by these people can put a real strain on a marriage. My personal belief on interracial dating is to follow the Golden Rule Standard. It says, “Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.” I personally would not want to be a child of a mixed race and I should not put my children through it either. Many children are teased by other children, or they don’t look like one of their parents. Because of their parents marriage. If you saw my Dad you would know that I am my Dad’s son, and you are polluting your own family heritage by dating someone of another race. We have a christian heritage to pass down, but also we have a family heritage. And America has become such a melting pot that we have forgot who we are and were we have come from. We are only on link in a chain. It does not begin nor end with us. We are suppose to pass down our family heritage, just as your parents passed it down to you. If you are a black person you should be proud that you are a black person, and want to pass down your family heritage to your children. And it is the same with any other race. And I want my children someday to look like me. Not because I am so vain, but it is our family heritage, and I am proud to be from the family I grew up in. And so should you desire to pass down the same heritage down to your own. And it is selfishness on your own part toward your children to date someone of another race But is it a Biblical commandment? No, it is just pricipal from the Bible. As I study the Bible, our Saviour has preferences. I personally would rather see a spanish gentleman marry a god fear christian that was black or white, instead of marrying another spanish lady just because she is spanish. The LORD never mentioned it to Moses, when Aaron or Miriam were chiding him for marrying the Ethiopian woman. Therefore after studying the Bible I believe that it is a preference of God not to marry someone of another race, but it is not a commandment. God is not against marrying someone of another race. And if you marry someone of another race, then it becomes Gods will and you are never to divorce. Just a thought.
active soul winner. I said, “No matter what, if you never marry again (which is what she wants to do), stay active and faithful in church.”